Sumo Wrestling and the Art of Listening

Living life on my terms is my mantra…I move at my own pace, I groove at my own pace and I encourage others to do likewise.  I openly rail against oppression in all shapes and forms.  I’m often caught saying things like, “Dude, what do you want for yourself?”  So, I have to admit, I almost get cocky sometimes – thinking I’m, like, über progressive and what not.

And then last week my teenage son said to me, “I’m going to be a sumo wrestler.”

The first words out of my mouth? “You are not going to be a sumo wrestler.”  Period.  Done.  Mother has spoken (rolled my eyes and everythang).  I didn’t give it a second thought.

But, my son—bless him for actually calling me out—says, “Um, Mom, didn’t you say you’d always support me in whatever I wanted to do with my life?  That I could be anything I want?”

Busted.

Yeah, so it turns out that I want all the delight and wonder of this wonky world to be discovered by the curious eyes and mind of my child [progressive, right?] … as long as it’s defined on MY terms [eh, not so progressive].

Reality check time:  As adults we get super rah-rah for each other when someone decides to quit their job and turn their hobby into a successful business.  We get misty-eyed when Richard Gere breaks corporate form in Pretty Woman and decides to help out the old man who was about to lose his company.  But what about our children?  Are we fist-bumping them for their most outlandish desires?  I’ve always told my son it’s okay to color outside the lines; draw a mouth where the eyes should be; go ahead and wear a faux-hawk to school – you’re living life the way you want to!

Because I said you could.  And keep in mind that you will go to college for a sensible degree.  Ouch!

So, we’ve had our reality check.  Now here’s the challenge:  be mindful of your dialogue with your children; be aware of your tone and body language.  Be an active listener…don’t think of what you’ll say next.  Take in every word and just sit with it for a while.  As I’m learning, after all the listening, you get to regroup and still be the parent that desperately wants your child to be happy and successful…but now you are equipped to have a conversation that includes the voice of your child as a dynamic participant in his own future. He’ll be living life on his own someday and will need the confidence to trust his own decisions and not rely on others to ‘tell’ him what to do.

And it looks like I won’t have a sumo wrestling son – we weighed the pros and cons, and came to the conclusion that traveling to Hawaii and doing a photo shoot on the wrestlers would be way much more fun.

~ Amy